You Shoulda Been There...

You totally shoulda been there for my birthday weekend! It was the most jacked up shiz in the world. On Friday (my actual day of birth anniversary) I had planned to take the day off, but instead I called in sick since I had the worst sinus infection and my neck was swollen. But, let's be honest everyone thought my ass was faking. I so was not... Proven by the fact that I took Amoxicillin... Does anyone know what one of the side effects of Amoxicillin is? No? Nobody? Well, let me enlighten you. A side effect is the cha-chas. Yes, I accidently made myself have diarrhea by taking medicine for my sinus infection. Happy birthday to me bitches.

 

 

Saturday was better. Saturday was waaayyy better. I felt glorious!

 

I went with my boo thang and friends to a Japanese Steakhouse (because that's what everyone does after having doing the cha cha slide all day, right?). You shoulda been there for this shit. If you were a fly on the wall you would have heard multiple conversations about people getting slapped in the face with d***s becuase they're dating som many people at once (Match.com=Money well spent!), a comparison of working as a train yard manager to working the polar express (nowhere near the same), and how the boys of the group were the best at having things fly into their faces... Amongst other conversations of course.

 

Overall, another birthday to remember!  

Fun Filled Adventures

 

While I don't have photographic evidence (at least none in which I look attractive), I did do stuff this weekend. My friend, Kala, celebrated a milestone birthday while in Mexico with her bf, so we did an easy birthday celebration at her house on Friday. She was dogsitting her bf's dog, Dock, so I spent most of the evening giving that big boy some loving. Dock is a brindle boxer, just like my Tigger, but he is normal size not a famine victim like Tig. I also find it amusing that Tig is considered small, yet weighs 50 lbs. He’s just special.  

On Saturday, Big T came over to teach the Mr. how to add crown molding to the ceiling. We are adding cabinets, bookshelves, and re-building the fireplace mantle. My Dad is a jack of all trades and is not only doing this project for us, but teaching the Mr. how to do these things well. I white washed the bricks on the fireplace and the plan is to paint the ugly gold doors black. I can’t wait to see how it all turns out!  

While the boys were working on the fireplace project, I was working on a gift for baby LRD.  After Big T left, we went to my friend Lucy’s house so that I could give her the gifts. I love giving gifts and I try my hardest to make them as personal as possible. The colors of baby LRD are gray, navy, and orange and the theme is owls. I ordered the cutest vinyl monogram a few weeks ago of Sassysteals and I adore it! I came out beautifully and all I had to do was rub it onto a picture frame. I also embroidered an owl print “L” on a fleece blanket, which is one of the easiest ways to personalize something. What are some easy ways that you personalize gifts?  

Overall, it was a pretty chill weekend. The only sucky part is that while on the way to Kala’s house on Friday the Neon got hit by another car trying to edge past us into the turn lane at a stoplight. I couldn’t be mad about it though because the driver was just a baby and didn’t know any better. She was crying and crying and her car was worse than mine, which is funny since her car was a Honda CRV and way bigger than the Neon. If I can say one thing about the Neon I would have to admit it’s a sturdy sucker. It’s better than a bumper car in accidents.

My Week in GIFs....

This has been a long week. Not only did The Mister and I have a crap ton of stuff to do, it was long at work as well.

Monday---

I realize Mondays are the worst day of the week intrinsically, but this one gave me the run around. I had one of my fave kiddos give me the stank eye at 8am. I knew the day was starting well. I went to meet a family for an evaluation at a hospital, they were a no show. I went to the mall to buy new jeans (fyi express has jeans bogo 50%, totally worth it they make your ass look fab) with my bff Jen. I am also currently obsessing over leapord print shirts. One day you will see me all Snooki style in a leopard shirt. By the end of the day....

Tuesday---

I almost had to shank someone at work. Do not interrupt me when I am doing my fave part of my job (i.e. providing counseling to kids) by lurking in the doorway. Also, do not interrogate me about a decision you wanted to be no part of, then misquote me via email. Do not send said email WHILE I AM STILL IN THE ROOM.  But, then my cable goes ot. Fuck my cable company, if I didn't have a contract you wouldn't be getting my hard earned cash money. Tuesday was a bad, bad day all around. I need my Biggest Loser.

I did go get my hair cut, which was a plus. Always got to look on the positive. Gigi, thank you for giving me a new fresh and clean look.

Wednesday---

Was just long, I had a last minute parent teacher conference scheduled for the evening and it took FOREVER. Like Sandlot style FOREVER. I was tired, cranky, and hangry by the time I got home. The Mister was awesome, took one look at me and said let’s eat out. He’s totally a keeper. I then proceeded to watch Biggest Loser on my computer.

Thursday---

I co-taught a class at work on crisis prevention. I am a really, really quick presenter. I am down and dirty style, where participants get the info with no wasted time on their part or effort on my part. It is a 6 hour training. I was scheduled to teach approx 2 hours. I let me co-presenters (one of whom is a control freak) know I only needed an hour fifteen for my parts. She didn't listen, we were running early and I got done waaayyy early… And we couldn't break for lunch at 10:30, so instead of starting a small section from after lunch... she wait for it... SHE FILLS THE SILENCE WITH INANE CHATTER. Who does that?! That is so not cool. Then we give everyone the longest lunch in the history of lunches and make them stay until the scheduled ending time. We are doucheholes.

On the positive, The Mister and I took photos with our wedding photog so that we have some for our wedding website. I guess they could technically be called engagement photos, which is funny because we totally didn't plan to do them. If they are as awesome as I think they will be, I really want her to do some of us with our horrible dogs.  

 

Friday---

 

My alarm didn’t go off. I have no issues with sleeping in, but shit really?! My phone was dead, so that’s why it didn’t go off. I manage to forget to put on deodorant, but hey who cares no one will smell me at work right? I did stop by the double arches for breakfast, where the attractive window worker told me I look nice. How did I know I needed that this morning? Man, McDonalds I must say I really can have it my way there. I have to also testify their egg white sandwiches are good. I mean as good as my Jimmy Dean at home, actually better though because I get the hash brown there. Sooo… Friday can either go one of two ways for me. Hopefully, nobody fucks with me today and my cable works.  

 



Guilty Pleasure and Second Chances

One of my favorite guilty pleasures is tv. I unashamedly have cable, but I do not always let people know that my DVR is full of the entire Real Housewives series, Basketball Wives, and Abby Lee. That is saved for me time.

One of the shows that I also watch in the privacy of my dark living room is the Biggest Loser. Not because I think there is something shameful about the show, but because I can relate to the contestants and that somehow makes me feel awkward and embarrassed. Am I morbidly obese? No. Do I have a lot of horrible habits regarding? Yes. One of them is giving into my cravings and binge eating like a mother. I crave carbs, so what do I do? I go and buy to bags of chips at Quik Trip and eat them in the car---- if there is no trash evidence in my house then it doesn't count, right? In this way I relate to many of the contestants, as I know I shouldn't do this and it will ruin everything I've been working for. I mean I work out on the reg. I meal prep for lunch/dinner so I can eat semi-healthy and then I shame eat fast food and pure crap in the car. I know I am better than that. Yet I still do it.

The premier of season 15 of the Biggest Loser was last night, with this years theme being second chances. This resonated with me because I always feel like once I've fucked up or fallen on the wagon there is no going back. It's done, so I might as well have the beer with dinner or go to happy hour and eat the shitty food-- I mean I already stopped and ate the shitty for me fast food at lunch- so what does it matter?  Well, with the theme of second chances I have to remember that we all fuck up. Pull up your big girl panties and move on. Hopefully, that spicy chicken from Wendy's was worth it (I must admit it usually is, the beer not so much). On that note, I got up and worked out in the morning, rather than the evening before dinner. Lately, I haven't felt energy to work out, but having worked out in the morning, I was WAAAYYY more conscious of what I was putting in my pie hole.

Watching the Biggest Loser this weekend was also made meaningful because I had the opportunity to meet Dolvett, one of the trainers from the show. This past weekend, Jen's work hosted a block party and he attended, leading a workout in the middle of the street. He is so positive and motivating that you can see why he is so successful with the people on the Ranch. If only I could have him with me a few days a week!

Have you felt this way before? How do you treat yourself without going balls to the walls?

Pocket Full of Sunshine!

Awwww, man! I got nominated for a Sunshine Award by the oh so fab miss Areeba  over at I Have A Messy Bun. This girl is too cute and you should go check her out!

You gotta follow some rules:

Acknowledge the blogger who nominated you for the award.

Share eleven random facts about yourself.

Answer the eleven questions set by the blogger that nominated you.

Post eleven questions for the bloggers you nominate and let them know you've nominated them.

11 Facts... About my glorious self.

*I majored in psychology for my undergrad and have a graduate degree in social work.

*I sleep on my side, but with one of those contoured pillows. I have a feeling that is not how it is inteneded to be used.

*Until this past Christmas, we had 3 boxers not two. Tank, Ginger, and Tigger.

*I was in a sorority in college. My bestie, Jen, was in it with me.

*I use my ipod to take photos, as I have a windows phone and it sucks at life.

*I've only had 2 cars. Both were Neons.

*The Neon I have now has power windows... Only in the front.

* I have a freckle in one of my eyes.

* I wear glasses/contacts. I actually really like my glasses, but have to be able to wear sunglasses, hence the contacts. Those transition lenses just arent' for me.

* I own tons and tons of makeup, hair, and beauty products but tend to stick with the tried and true.

* I am sorta allergic to life. By sorta, I mean allergic to most things.

My questions from Areeba....

If you win a lottery, what's the first thing you're going to buy?

I would pay off my student loans and then our house… Boring shit, but hey I’m keeping it real here.  

What is the colour you hate most? I intensely dislike yellow. It looks good on a select few and reminds me of vom. Yuk.

If you could become best friend with one celebrity ,who it could be? If I could be friends with one celebrity… Tami from the Real World/Basketball wives, Tamra form RHOC, or Snooki. They all represent a different part of me. I would totally pee my pants form excitement to meet one of them!

What's your biggest shopping pet peeve? People who fight about ridiculous coupons with the clerk. Really? You need that $.50 off that bad? I mean whatcha gonna do with fifty cents? You can’t even buy a soda with that.

One thing that you love most about yourself. My sense of humor and ability to keep it real. You would not believe how many times I say “Bitch, please” throughout the day.

What was the first thing you read today? Ummm. My email? Shit facebook? Who knows.

Have you ever played a prank on someone? What was it? I don’t think so. If so, I was too drunk to remember.

What's your favourite make up product right now? I cannot get over benefit stay flawless 15 hour primer. This shit is legit. I also am loving any BB or CC cream I can get my hands on. I am that girl who wears a mask to work every day. I put on BB or CC ream, my primer, then a foundation. I have freckles, redness, and dark circles that I need covered and this routine works perfect! It also only takes me 4 minutes to do my makeup, so don’t be an a-hole thinking I spend all day in front of the mirror.

Where do you see yourself after 5 years? Shit. In 5 years, the Mister and I will still be in this house, it will be less crappy, I will still be working in the school system, and I will have my clinical social work license. How you like them apples? I got plans!

What's the song you can listen 2k times? I love most upbeat songs, but have no favorite song. Most music annoys me after a few plays.

Who is your favourite superhero? I love x-men. Mostly Rogue.

I would love to nominate Stayc / Abby

My 11 questions for you guys are...
Salty or sweet?
Favorite Yankee Candle scent?
Can you wink?
What is your hidden talent?
What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
Favorite sports team?
Any pets?
What is the question you hate answering most about yourself?
What is your favorite part of being a blogger?
Fave tv show?
Do you believe that leggings are pants?

2 Days Seems So Short

The weekend seems like it is so short,but then when it is jam packed with stuff to do it seems so long. I was exhausted Monday from the two days prior.

On Friday, the Mister and I went to Em Chamas, which is a Brazilian steakhouse where the big poles of meat come around to your table. It's just too hard to say no, so I just kept eating. Everything tastes sooo good!

Saturday, I walked a 5k with some friends from work, Jen, and Kala. It was cold at 8am! We tried our best to find a place to have brunch, but we had no luck! Do places not want me to get drunk on Bloody Marys and Mimosas on a Saturday?! It was actually good that I didn't get drunk at 9am, as after I met up with my mom whom I was wedding crap shopping with. Unfortunately, the store we went to truly has crap, so we went to the mall instead. We totally scored there! We each got a new purse and a pair of shoes! Woot! When I came home, I didn't even attempt to hide my new finds, as the deals were that good. I have no shame in my shopping game.

Still on Saturday, we went to the American Royal with my Uncle. Now, my Uncle has been before but the Mister and I haven't so we were excited to go to bbq heaven! Being the responsible, yet cheap grown ups that we are we got blasted at my Unlces house then took a taxi. We were there for an awards ceremony hosted by Guy Feiri, dinner from Quick's BBQ food truck (yum), and a funnel cake! Funnel cakes are the shiz that I can never pass up. Then, we went to Sully's your favorite neighborhood bar. Again, my first time at this establishment, but my Uncle frequents this establishment so I trusted his judgement, which was on point. Sully's was too much fun! We were served our super cheap drinks in mason jars as big as my head! As much as I am over the mason jar craze, thank you Pinterest, I totally loved these. Either that or I was still that drunk. Either way, we safely got home courtesy of Dave, our somewhat crazy cab driver. Thank you, Dave.

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

I love going to the baseball game, but lately I've been more into the tailgating portion of the game. I love the little baby grill that we have and would roll around with the veggie kabobs we make. Since we are in public, I generally try to keep it more classy and just moan while I eat their gloriousness. We literally went to the Royals game and spent until the 6th inning in the parking lot. If some people that is a huge waste of money, it's all good because the Mister's dad gave us the tickets. We got the hook up. We were directly next to home plate in the fourth row. Truthfully, if we had known what pimpass seats these were we probably would have came in sooner... not much sooner since booze and food that we already paid for was with us in the parking lot and the Royals sucked it up. We did get to see Eric Hosmer hit a home run! Which resulted in Jen screaming "I love you and will have your Wolverine babies!" Why Wolverine you ask? I'll let you figure out for yourself. And we were so close, I'm sure that he heard her cray cray ass screaming about Wolverine and was all WTF? Oh, baseball the American past time and favorite sport of drunk asses everywhere.

Boobies and Balls

 

 

 

I don't know about you, but I loves me some baseball. Shout out to Jen for getting us some REALLY good tickets to the Royals on Thursday night. We tailgated, where we had no screw driver to put together the grill, so the Mister MacGyver'd that shit. Jen and I trying to be all like Girl Scout style made sure we had food and beer. When we got there, I asked Jen for a beer and she looks at me and says, “It’s in the cooler.” I look at her and slowly say, “No, it isn’t.” #epictailgatefail It was a good thing our fourth had brought some beers too and was willing to share. Will I buy PBR? No. Will I drink it for free? Yes.

 

We go into the game and as we are walking to our seat people are yelling and flailing about. Me? I think nothing of this and continue on my merry way while Jen and The Mister both duck.  A foul ball flew right in front of me, bounced of the wall, and landed smack in my left side boob. I CAUGHT A BALL WITH MY BOOB! Without spilling my beer.  My classy ass then proceeds to yell “I caught it bitches!!!” #keepingitclassy

The rest of the game was par for the course. Except for us sitting next to scouts and trying to figure out who they were scouting. Why wouldn’t they just tell Jen?! She was really nice when she went up to them and asked.  I want to know! I need to know! 

Saturday, Jen and I went to a signing event and I got my foul ball signed by Billy Butler, the designated hitter, and Jen got a Billy bobblehead signed. Now, I need to frame my ball and it will be a story I tell forevs. My boobie caught a ball. 

What fun sports stories do you have? Tell me, I want to hear ‘em! Oh, and if you don't follow me on Instagram you totes should I post pics of my adventures as they happen IRL :)

 

Jowler Creek

Me and my homies went to a winery on Saturday! It was tons of fun. We went to Jowler Creek in PLatte City, Mo. It was my very first winery tour ever, so I was so excited I had ants in my pants. Good thing I wasn't wearing pants.

 

On the way there our preggo DD had to make a quick pitstop, where girl was so focused on Arby's that we almost died in traffic. That would have been a travesty, as we had yet to cosume any wine. #fetusfoodstop

 

I don't know if you knew this shit, because I totally didn't, but there are mowing sheep! They go around eating grass so that your man friend doesn't have to mow! They smell like ass, but apparently get the job done.  They also have chickens that eat all the nasty ass bugs of your good as wine grapes. These chickens were not for playing though, as they kept running from me. I think they knew I had dreams of fried chicken in my head.

 

 

 

 

Jowler Creek has a beautiful sitting area/patio where you can take the wine you've bought. If you're Lucy and preggo this is torture as you drink water while everyone has glasses of wine #fetusproblems

 

Have you been on a winery tour before? Where did you go? I loved Jowler Creek!

Go Royals!

My friend Jen got some bombass Royals tickets from work. They were in the Diamond Club, so we had our own actually little table to sit at and the nicest usher, Betsy! Jen and I usually go to a ton of Royals games, but this summer has been slightly different, with all of us turning into adults and shit. Having my summers off is great and all, but since I'm the only one it sorta blows to try and have shenanigans by yourself everyday. But this year? Everyone is super busy! You know buying houses, getting man friends, living life. So, Royals games have become a hot commodity in my world. It helps that they don't win that frequently, so when they do it's even more fun! It's all about perspective. 

I don't know about you but my friends and I are a LITTLE obsessed with Straw-ber-itas right now. Like we are gonna get in trouble to the point obsessed. Not that anyone needs to stage an intervention or anything. We kind like it this way. That is what our pre-game tailgating consisted of. Straw-ber-itas. Oh, and a Miller light for me since I had one. If you got it, drink it, right?

We went to the game with Kala's new bf. I don't think he wanted to be pictured, but what he doesn't know won't hurt him. This was Jen's first time meeting Kala's man friend and I think he did very well with the gaggle of drunken beavers that he went to the game with. I mean, the 3 of us, free booze that comes right to us, and a winning game?! That is a recipe for the best time evah! I think the Royals played the Orioles and I think we won. That's what I remember of the actual game play.

What is your home town team? Do you go to games? 

Don't Shake the Baby!

I guess we could say my weekend started on Thursday. I met up with a friend who I hadn't seen in a LONG time. She also happens to also be named Tracy :) Well, let's just say 6 glasses of wine, two shots, and one awkward dance on an empty dance floor later I was very kindly dropped of at home by Tracy. Keepin' it classy! 

Friday, one of my besties took me to get my car bright and early, as I was super paranoid it would get towed. Was it towed? Nope, but I got a ticket for overnight parking. There's no way out of this ticket either, they took a picture of my car! A picture! After a long day of hydrating I went to the Royals game. Where my friend Jen and I left after the 3rd inning, as they were losing that badly. Royals, you have one job! Stop disappointing me!

Saturday was a big, fat, lot of nothing. Worth it! 

Sunday, a baby shower for a friend from high school. My friend Jen and I went together. When asked to write advice to the new mother here was our list:
1. Don't shake the baby!
2. Don't leave it in the car with the windows rolled up. 
3. When hosing it down, do it in the backyard so the neighbors don't judge you. 

It's a good thing that we don't want kids, right? 

I leave you with a picture of something that somewhere someone thought was a good idea. 

bag of babies