Life Confessions

Ok, so life update. My Mister is going into surgery at 8am on Wednesday morning. Meaning, he just went into surgery as I post this. He has a torn patellar tendon, so they are going to use a bunch of duck tape and glue to put his kneecap back into place. Then, he his leg is going to continue to be immobilized for another 6 weeks. Some of the amazingness of this week I had to share with you, confessions style.

• I have had a dirty butt in my face. Yup, trying to figure out how to get his stank ass in the shower (pun intended) was a moment I will never forget. We put the leg condom on to cover the brace, then tried every maneuver we could think of to get him in the shower and sitting on the old people shower stool. And at one point, I was bending down to move something and had his dirty ass in my face. And no, I was not moving any dirty man balls or anything gross like that. 
• I have seen more hairy man leg than I care to admit. At one point, I politely asked if he could cover his furry man thigh. It used to excite me, now all I want is all the important bits covered so that he doesn't get too cold. Because if he got too cold, I would have to get a blanket for him and that just creates more work for me. 
• I went to work with my purse looking like I was going to peddle drugs and tobacco to all the small kiddos I work with. I went by the pharmacy and left the bottles in my bag-- you want an Oxy? I got that. The biggest Advil known to man? Got that too. Oh, and nicotine alternatives, as G kicked the disgusting cigarette habit a few months before we met (approx 5 years ago), but has never been able to kick nicotine itself. 
• We have the economy size Miralax in our home now. Apparently those super awesome, highly guarded drugs also make you constipated. And like all old people will tell you, having a regular dook is important in life. 
• Speaking of dooks, we also now have a seat riser on our lone toilet in our home. Most disgusting thing ever. Yet, I have a text message from a person I will not name, stating that the toilet donut was the best invention ever. I mean, it is padded, but it is soooo gross. 

I leave you with this--- he just told the nurses they didn't need to worry about his modesty as in a few minutes he would be knocked out, pants less, and farting on himself then said "YOLO." That's my boo.