Humpday Confessions

It's that time of the week again, kiddies. It's time to link up with Kathy  for Humpday Confessions. 

I confess that I haven't done most of the things on my to-do list for this summer. Paint kitchen cabinets? Nah, the black and white is stylish. I did a lot of other random shit though. Suck on that to-do list!

I confess that I gave into my online shopping addiction... and am pissed my packages haven't arrived. Impulse buys are no longer impulses when you think about it and regret it.

I confess I got my social security card in the mail on Monday and went to get my new driver's license and work id badge immediately... crazy ass looking hair and all. #nobodylooksatthepictureanyways

I confess that I almost bought G grapes called Witch Fingers, just because they looked like little baby penises. I have a feeling nobody else is buying these either.

What are your confessions? Dish 'em! 

Humpday Confessions

I have no idea what all I have caught you all up on or not. So, let the verbal vomit begin.

I am still sad that we aren't going on a vacation. I want to be laying on a beach with salty air blowing in my hair. Although I am sad, I am not bitter. Shit happens. And things happen for a reason, so that's that.

While I am excited about car shopping I am not excited about car payments. Holla for combining our finances!!! Wait, what?! Yup, I said that shit. I am paying off my debt and we BOTH want to keep doing that, so I put ALL my extra money to that. It's a good thing I'm good with having a hoopty. We were talking about what my NEEDS are, stop being dirty, and it's fold down back seats, good gas mileage, and power windows and locks. I don't even care if the power windows are only in the front (that's how they were in my recently deceased car).

I have been a carbasaurus rex since the wedding day. Yes, all the carbs having been going in my belly.  With zero fucks given. I made sure that I had no food baby at the wedding. Now, we have no food in our house but some leftover bread, cheese, and candy, so that is what I have been eating. Yum.  

I read an article about a man emailing his wife a spreadsheet detailing the excuses his wife gave him to not have sex. You can find the buzzfeed story here. All I could think was what a dickweed this man was. I mean we all say no when we feel fat, tired, and/or it's shark week. But to keep a spreadsheet?! And email it to her?! It's probably because your balls haven't dropped yet that she isn't wanting to do the dirty with you. 

Oh, and I gave G his wedding gift. I'm pretty sured he more than liked it. I took the boudoir photos and made a book on shutterfly. So now the good people at shutterfly know what I look like essentially naked. Since I worked my ass off to look sexy as f--k naked, I don't even mind. That, and I'm pretty sure I've been down to my skivvies in front of people before, thanks to being young and dumb. 

The more I get on facebook the more I hate it. I loved being able to hashtag #chauvinpartyof2 and see all my wedding pictures from our friends and family... But I hated having to log in and skim over all the depressing negative shit people dump on there. Man, I remember a time when it was only for silently creeping on people, now it's filled with ads and pictures of how sweet baby Jesus will strike me down if I don't "like" some propaganda poster and how people are rising above the negativity in their life... which I'm sure will happen as soon as they share that passive aggressive picture about rising above. 

I went bridezilla on David's Bridal right before my wedding. I bought my dress there in December and it fit perfect... after being on steroids for a skin condition for 2 months at the time. So, I knew I was going to need to get it altered. Then, in May it was slightly too big, in June it was too big, and then at the start of July WAY too big. Well, they altered it alright. It was too short and bunchy in the back when I tried it on Wednesday to make sure all  the alterations looked fine. Instead of saying, "my bad" and re-doing the work, the alterations manager said she need to remeasure me! Well, I had to give them da bizzness on that. How did it go from looking perfect and begin too big to being poorly constructed and too short?!  I totally let her remeasure me, knowing if anything I was smaller than the week before when I dropped the dress off. Call me fat again. In the end,  they "re-did" some of the sewing and on Thursday I picked it up and went with it. 

Dish the dirt! What's going on with you?

From Ms. to Mrs.

We are officially hitched! I went from Ms. to Mrs. I will definitely be sharing more with you. It was a ton of work, but more than worth it. We went pretty simple in terms of food and drinks, so that helped. We just did fruit, veggies, bread, cheese, meat, and shrimp. Oh, and wine and beer. Gotta have your priorities. Since we don't have any of the photographer's photos yet, I'll just tease you with pictures my friends took.

Oh, and you know I gotta throw in some of the boxers :) We took the dogs to the dog pound on Friday and picked them up on Monday. Can you tell they get abused and tortured while there? I got my Mrs. tank from Bridal Bliss Couture! It has the cutest little grey bow in the back, which is perfect because lavender, mint, and gray were my wedding colors. 

Gabriel thinks I was staring at Rebecca, our officiant, the entire time. I beg to differ, this pic shows I was doing the ugly cry the entire time. While they (and everyone watching) laughed at me. With no shame. 

I love this moment that my friend caught. I think it was one of the only moments I wasn't trying not to cry. This is my favorite tablescape with the mint colored C, lantern, and all the pretty things. 

I have to give my bff Jen mad props, since my car blew up 2 weeks ago (that's another story) she has helped me TREMENDOUSLY with being able to coordinate and get ready for the wedding. She has been the best friend that anyone could ask for. 

Our officiant, Rebecca from True Hearts Weddings, was amazing. If you are looking to get hitched in the KC area, I highly recommend her. She was flexible, funny, and overall NICE! 

My friend, Amanda, caught this candid moment of us standing and talking to each other. I love this pic so much. 

And here is a sneak peak of a photo that our photographer took. Since we did not have a separate ceremony and reception, we took our photos prior to everything starting. Which I loved, since that meant I had fresh hair and makeup. I am so excited to see more of our pictures.

Wedding Day!

My wedding day is here! Seeing as it is 7am, what have I done so far? Worked out and this! BAM! 

All I want to do is feel pretty and eat cake. Yup, I'm pretty easy to please today. 

Now, I'm off to go from Ms. to Mrs. 

Updates For the Wedding Week

We have sent all of our last minute info to the vendors, I had no idea it would  be so hard to pick music. Then, I realized most of the traditional music just isn't our style. So I googled the shit outta that and found a bunch of stuff that I think we'll like better. Don't worry, I'll let you know what all we picked when I get the pictures. What songs do you all love?

Does anyone have any must have photograph ideas? You know what I'm talking about, the photos you took that are your all time fave? I know that I saw Morgan's post completely dedicated to her wedding shoes and I knew that I needed photos of my shoes. I hadn't even thought of that. Then, I realized my shoes are sexy as F and need to be immortalized. Granted, they aren't any red bottoms, but still.

I am still debating as to what my hashtag should be. I know call me a douche lord again. But, I want to be able to just click and see all my friends pictures. Any ideas? MrandMrsChauvin is an easy one. I've been using FutureMrsChauvin on all my pre wedding stuff so it would go, but MrandMrs seems too plain. I know a plain hashtag #firstworldproblems. I got all the time in the world to figure it out. And by all the time, I mean until Saturday by 2 when I start hair and makeup.

What all do you look for in a fun wedding?

Here I Am!

I am just gonna be real honest here. There is a shit ton of stuff going on and I could give you a half assed post about fluff or some already written scheduled post that I don't know when I wrote, or I could be honest.

Honest?

I am enjoying being home with my man. That is how I want to spend my time. Take that how you will :) Dirty whores.

I am getting married in one week. I need to focus on doing shit for that. Soon, I will post so much wedding shit that you will want me to shut up.

I have friends and family coming into town that I want to spend time with and enjoy while they're here. I want to pretend I'm 21 again. Just for a day.

I'm getting my ass in shape, so I look sexy as fuck. Yes, I work out on the regs, but I have sooo much more available while we go  to the community center. So, I have been learning to run. Yup, run.

I have homework to do. That I hate saying. I have until early August to finish my classes. Best and worst decision I've ever made. Gonna get that money!


So... I'll see you when I see you! Love ya hoes!


Oh, and don't forget--- Leave all the marriage advice you wish someone gave you below! I love me some advice and can't wait to hear yours.

Humpday Confessions- Bachelorette Party Edition

This past weekend was my bachelorette party.  My bestie, Jen, planned it all out and it was the most amazing, thoughtful party ever! I threw in a bunch of pictures, just so you know I have friends in real life. 

Confessions time:

• We had a hotel room, very smart choice. Between the Jen and I, it looked as if we were staying for the week. I totally gave the bell hop the stank eye when he asked in disbelief, "you're only here one night?" 
• We had the bag of doritos that is big enough to feed a starving family of four. And I had eye sex with it the entire time we were bringing it up stairs. Then, I slept with it in bed with me. #zerofucksgiven

• We went to a pole dancing class. Since we were being super safe, we made someone besides Jen and I drive, as we had each drank a bottle of champagne. We didn't follow any other safe driving rules, as evidence by the picture below. Oh, and the doritos came with us. 

Reagan our pole dance instructor 

• My biggest confession, from this night is the fact there is a video... So I thought I'd share :) Enjoy. 

• There was a couch at the pole dancing class.... That I was convinced had an STD. Below, you can see a pic of Jen and Kala sitting on it :) I don't know, it just looked like a B list porn couch. 

• Next, we started getting ready to go to dinner. I had a total bridezilla moment as we were leaving the hotel room. I was feeling rushed and hadn't had a chance to make myself look as drag queen as I would have liked, so I told everyone to just get on the elevator and start going to the restaurant and I would meet them in a few minutes. Like good friends they were all, no we'll wait. Me? Bridezilla. 

• One of my girlfriends wanted to take a picture at 3am as we were leaving da club. You notice I am in the back? Yeah, I wanted to be all bitch please, nobody got time for sweaty ass nasty 3am pictures. So instead of having another bridezilla moment, I hid my stank ass in the back of the picture. 

• After we got back at 3am... well 3ish.... I face timed my boo thang to let him know all his beavers were still alive. Yup 3am.  #truelove 
• The next morning, I felt glorious and by glorious I mean stupidly tired and I tried to convince my friends a little hair of the dog would be worth it. Them bitches weren't having it. 

Yup, I'm Still Here

Just thought I'd pop back in to reassure that I haven't died. I am still alive and kicking, but we have been having a fun time the past week so I was taking the time to enjoy it. Since I am now on summer break and my Mister is still on disability, we are spending all day, err day together. 

I spent last week preparing the major part of my boo thangs wedding present. I had scheduled with people to create and complete parts of it last week, thinking that he wouldn't be around. Since he was around, I just told him to not ask questions. LOL! He actuarially did really well with that. Me? I woulda crawled in the trunk of the car to know where he was going if I was told not to ask questions. 

What else have we done? Well, I have tried to take pictures, so that G can always look back on this time with fondness. He is more mobile now, so he can leave the house, but only for really, really short periods of time. 

We went into Old Overland Park, which is a really cute, historic block near where we live and Gabriel got his hair cut by Wayne, the barber. Wayne completed his barber apprenticeship in 1953 and has earner two Purple Hearts, which are displayed on the wall! He

Then, we went to the park behind our house (where we took our photos in October) and sat around for a little bit. 

Gabriel LOVED being outside in the sun and hanging out on the dock. 

He was feeling so good he even let me talk I'm into margs for lunch. He sorta had wobbly boots after leaving from the marg, since it was his first time drinking since getting hurt. But, Mi Ranchito margs are worth it!

 The next day, we treat ourselves to Sheridan's! YUM! My fave is the Caramel Pretzel Crunch mini size. It is the perfect bite size bit of greatness in your mouth. Like, I would roll around in it greatness.

Caramel Pretzel Crunch aka Sex in a Cup 

Today, we went to the community center that is a few blocks from our house for the first time. We signed up for a 3 month membership, so that my man can use the hand bike and all the machines we don't have in our house. I attempted to run again, but all I can think is F this. Not my thing. At all. I will stick with walking outside, riding a bike, and using the elliptical if I want a machine. I liked having the option of the machines, but honestly? I prefer my kettlebells and blogilates videos. Maybe I'm just not a people person. 

Oh, and I had to take a post workout selfie. Duh. And to make it even more douchehole, I added my nutribullet smoothie #douchelord 

What have you been up to?

Staycation in KC

As of 11:30ish Monday morning, I am on summer vacation. There is a lot of stuff packed into these two months (i.e. getting married July 19th!!!), but I really want to find some things that The Mister and I can do together. This will be the first time that he and I have taken time off together, without leaving the KC area. Usually he takes time off when I don't have it, so that he can hang out around the house by himself.... Aww true love.

Anyways,  Kansas City has a lot to offer, but I am looking for things that he and I can do together, which creates a need for limited high physical demands (i.e. no roller coasters or trail rides). We know he is getting more and more stable on his crutches, but that he is def on them another 4 weeks. We usually go to a lot of KC Royals games, but with his leg immobilized we don't think he would be physically comfortable sitting there that long.

We have been looking at all the online travel guides for our area and know we want to attend the following places this summer.

• Nelson Atkins Museum of Art : We have gone before and he really loved it and they always have traveling exhibits. Until July 6th, one of the exhibits is Roads of Arabia, which we'l both really enjoy. Best of all, the Nelson itself is free!

• Boulevard Brewery: This is a local KC brewery that offers a FREE 40 minute tour.  I've been on it and really enjoyed it, so am hoping he will too. Especially since he loves their beer. Oh, and there are free samples. 

• Loose Park: I really want The Mister and I to go to the Rose Garden at Loose Park and have a picnic. I think just getting out of the house and away from those four walls will make him feel so much better. 
  
   
• Sea Life Aquarium: This is a relatively new attraction in KC. Neither of us has been there before, so if you have let me know! I would love to hear a review before we go. 

I also have to admit, there are some that I am going to make him do (i.e. the flower gardens), because I am not sure he'll be too into it initially. Maybe, by then he will be too stir crazy to object.

Oh, and we did think about local zoos, as I LOVE them, but realized they would be way too much walking and too hot outside, making them a no go this summer.

Anyone have any other ideas for fun things to do this summer? I can't wait to hear!