Humpday Confessions

I have no idea what all I have caught you all up on or not. So, let the verbal vomit begin.

I am still sad that we aren't going on a vacation. I want to be laying on a beach with salty air blowing in my hair. Although I am sad, I am not bitter. Shit happens. And things happen for a reason, so that's that.

While I am excited about car shopping I am not excited about car payments. Holla for combining our finances!!! Wait, what?! Yup, I said that shit. I am paying off my debt and we BOTH want to keep doing that, so I put ALL my extra money to that. It's a good thing I'm good with having a hoopty. We were talking about what my NEEDS are, stop being dirty, and it's fold down back seats, good gas mileage, and power windows and locks. I don't even care if the power windows are only in the front (that's how they were in my recently deceased car).

I have been a carbasaurus rex since the wedding day. Yes, all the carbs having been going in my belly.  With zero fucks given. I made sure that I had no food baby at the wedding. Now, we have no food in our house but some leftover bread, cheese, and candy, so that is what I have been eating. Yum.  

I read an article about a man emailing his wife a spreadsheet detailing the excuses his wife gave him to not have sex. You can find the buzzfeed story here. All I could think was what a dickweed this man was. I mean we all say no when we feel fat, tired, and/or it's shark week. But to keep a spreadsheet?! And email it to her?! It's probably because your balls haven't dropped yet that she isn't wanting to do the dirty with you. 

Oh, and I gave G his wedding gift. I'm pretty sured he more than liked it. I took the boudoir photos and made a book on shutterfly. So now the good people at shutterfly know what I look like essentially naked. Since I worked my ass off to look sexy as f--k naked, I don't even mind. That, and I'm pretty sure I've been down to my skivvies in front of people before, thanks to being young and dumb. 

The more I get on facebook the more I hate it. I loved being able to hashtag #chauvinpartyof2 and see all my wedding pictures from our friends and family... But I hated having to log in and skim over all the depressing negative shit people dump on there. Man, I remember a time when it was only for silently creeping on people, now it's filled with ads and pictures of how sweet baby Jesus will strike me down if I don't "like" some propaganda poster and how people are rising above the negativity in their life... which I'm sure will happen as soon as they share that passive aggressive picture about rising above. 

I went bridezilla on David's Bridal right before my wedding. I bought my dress there in December and it fit perfect... after being on steroids for a skin condition for 2 months at the time. So, I knew I was going to need to get it altered. Then, in May it was slightly too big, in June it was too big, and then at the start of July WAY too big. Well, they altered it alright. It was too short and bunchy in the back when I tried it on Wednesday to make sure all  the alterations looked fine. Instead of saying, "my bad" and re-doing the work, the alterations manager said she need to remeasure me! Well, I had to give them da bizzness on that. How did it go from looking perfect and begin too big to being poorly constructed and too short?!  I totally let her remeasure me, knowing if anything I was smaller than the week before when I dropped the dress off. Call me fat again. In the end,  they "re-did" some of the sewing and on Thursday I picked it up and went with it. 

Dish the dirt! What's going on with you?