Friday Funnies and Faves

Some of my fave shit from this week has just been life itself. Gabriel is getting better and better everyday, our new roof is getting started tomorrow, the wedding is almost here. You know, things are just going pretty good. Am I still slightly crazy? Yes. That shit isn't changing, but at least I feel slightly less stressed out.

Had my hair and makeup trial this week. We don't have a wedding party, but my friend Jen is getting her hair and makeup done too. I went in saying I love to look like a drag queen. I am that person who wears makeup everyday. I like my hair to be high and full, but want it side swept. My makeup, I want dark and dramatic. Well,  I think my girl thought I was cray, she was all you sure? You want braids or twists leading to your swoop? This is what she was imagining I'm sure.

Well, afterwards I get home and Gabriel is like... umm your hair and makeup doesn't look any different than any other day. #fail

Another fave moment is that I have been eating like a little piglet the past few days... and my dress that fit perfect in Dec is now slightly too big #winning. 

I've been taking 5 online grad school courses that are all self paced and am almost totally completed with one. Why am I taking courses when you are not in school you ask? Oh, it's the only way for me to get a raise. The only downfall of being paid like a teacher.... Either way, one class (almost) down! 

You have ay awesome sauce moments happen this week? Share! 

DIY Floral Ball Decor

Ok you guys, it is wedding central up in this piece. So, I wanted to share with you some really easy, inexpensive ways to add color and texture to your decor. You can use these in bowls around your house, make them for specific seasons, and use different types of materials. So easy to personalize them and the possibilities are endless! I've seen them done with faux flowers, where you push in the stem then glue a jewel/sparkle into the center of the flower. 

I didn't want to give away too much of the decor for the wedding, so you'll have to check back to see how these are incorporated into the tablescapes after July 19th :) 

What you need:

Styrofoam balls (mine are 3inch)

Corsage pins (or other pins that suit your specific style)

Paper flowers (I used confetti flowers)











1. Layer flowers

2. Pin flowers to styrofoam ball

3. Push in the pin, making sure to secure firmly

4. Cover the entire ball. Enjoy your handiwork!












Have you guys made any of these before? Or something similar? I would love to have more ideas!

Humpday Confessions- Bachelorette Party Edition

This past weekend was my bachelorette party.  My bestie, Jen, planned it all out and it was the most amazing, thoughtful party ever! I threw in a bunch of pictures, just so you know I have friends in real life. 

Confessions time:

• We had a hotel room, very smart choice. Between the Jen and I, it looked as if we were staying for the week. I totally gave the bell hop the stank eye when he asked in disbelief, "you're only here one night?" 
• We had the bag of doritos that is big enough to feed a starving family of four. And I had eye sex with it the entire time we were bringing it up stairs. Then, I slept with it in bed with me. #zerofucksgiven

• We went to a pole dancing class. Since we were being super safe, we made someone besides Jen and I drive, as we had each drank a bottle of champagne. We didn't follow any other safe driving rules, as evidence by the picture below. Oh, and the doritos came with us. 

Reagan our pole dance instructor 

• My biggest confession, from this night is the fact there is a video... So I thought I'd share :) Enjoy. 

• There was a couch at the pole dancing class.... That I was convinced had an STD. Below, you can see a pic of Jen and Kala sitting on it :) I don't know, it just looked like a B list porn couch. 

• Next, we started getting ready to go to dinner. I had a total bridezilla moment as we were leaving the hotel room. I was feeling rushed and hadn't had a chance to make myself look as drag queen as I would have liked, so I told everyone to just get on the elevator and start going to the restaurant and I would meet them in a few minutes. Like good friends they were all, no we'll wait. Me? Bridezilla. 

• One of my girlfriends wanted to take a picture at 3am as we were leaving da club. You notice I am in the back? Yeah, I wanted to be all bitch please, nobody got time for sweaty ass nasty 3am pictures. So instead of having another bridezilla moment, I hid my stank ass in the back of the picture. 

• After we got back at 3am... well 3ish.... I face timed my boo thang to let him know all his beavers were still alive. Yup 3am.  #truelove 
• The next morning, I felt glorious and by glorious I mean stupidly tired and I tried to convince my friends a little hair of the dog would be worth it. Them bitches weren't having it. 

What My Weekend Looked Like

This was a fun weekend! To start it off, I saw more foxes in our neighborhood when out driving around. You know you live in the suburbs when the wildlife becomes domesticated. 

We got our kitchen floor in!!! This is a big one, no HUGE accomplishment. I wrote about our wall and floor getting damaged back in February. It is now all fixed. It has only been months and months, but I don't even care now that it is done!

Next up is me painting the room and the cabinets. My goal is to have this done by the end of summer. They are currently a black and white hideous mess. But, that is easily fixed, so I am not too worried about that. 

And to celebrate Father's Day, Big T came over Saturday and worked on his baby girls house. He did all of this... well and a few more little projects... all in one day! THANKS DAD!!!

Here is the before picture: 

During: 

During:

Man, he works hard! 

After, on the inside:

Our goal is to knock out the wall on the left and extend the bathroom, as right now it is tiny! To do that, we had to take this mud room, which had a door and window and make it a solid wall with a small window. Eventually, our crapper will be under that window. We needed to get the door and window removal done ASAP because we are getting NEW SIDING!!! Yeah!

After, outside:

Father's Day selfie. I mean my hair was looking fly as a mofo, so I had to document. And, I got a new phone, so I wanted to make sure you could read my name. Yup, my phone has my name on it. #noshame

Sunday evening, we went to my soon to be in-laws and had dinner. I finally got Mr. Cranky Pants to take a selfie with me! I love the big, fancy wine glasses that my MIL has, I feel so classy drinking from them. I own a bunch of amazing wine glasses, but am too afraid a dog will break them so I never use them. 

I just wanna roll around in this big bowl of greatness. This cucumber salad is SOOO easy to make, if anyone is interested I can put up the recipe. 

What did you do this weekend?

How Do You Tuck Your Junk?

I need some advice on ways to cover my lady bits for some upcoming events I have coming up (i.e. parties). I really, really want to get some shape wear, but have no clue what brand, type, sizes to get! I want something that just keeps me feeling nice and tucked after I have had a few drinks. Does anyone else have that happen when you go to a party? You looking all fine and shit, then you have a few cocktails and have a food baby. I do not want it to squish my boobies though. That is a must.

What type do I need? Almost everything I were (minus my wedding dress) I wear a bra with, so that the ladies look fabulous. And are well supported. So, do I need a full slip, half skirt thing, weird undies? I have no idea. 

Spanx has a bunch of options that all seem like they would work well. Has anyone used Spanx before? I've seen reviews where people say they are more uncomfortable than anything they've ever worn and others saying they're glorious. 

Yummie Tummie, by Heather Thomson, is also one that seems to have good reviews. I have to admit, the only reason why I know about this one is because of RHONY.  Thoughts?

Assets by Spanx, these are the more reasonably priced Spanx. They are made by the same company, but are less expensive... and I can find them at my favorite store ever, Kohls. Where I always have a 30% off coupon. Don't hate.

Any tips, tricks, advice I WANT!!! Tell me the secrets!

My ultimate goal is to look sexy as fuck at all my upcoming events. And to answer the age old question that Latoya asks when when judging on Rupaul's Drag Race. 

Humpday Confessions

Since this is prime TV watching time for me, I thought I'd let you in on some guilty pleasures of mine that I DVR religiously. I call them guilty pleasures, yet I have no shame in the fact that I watch them. I mean if they are still on than I am not the only person sitting on my couch watching them and dreaming of chips and gummy bears. Sorry, that's the ho names aunt flo talking.

• Hit the Floor on VH1, I get down on this show. It's like the ultimate Stomp the Yard, Bring It and Center Stage all wrapped up together to create dancing and drama. Oh, and mage a mix of CSI with the murders. 

Oh, and there is also sexy man bodies. That are frequently undressed. You can thank me later. 

• Real Housewives of New York is one of the best reality shows that I have ever watched. With the way that Andy fires and hires these women you never know what you are gonna get. But you do know it will be f-ing hilarious. And the gifs you can find on the internet make every blog post better. 

Aviva is one of the most cray cray women I have ever seen. She is so uptight and then has the weirdest, funniest fathers ever. 

Sonja, with a sexy "j" deserves her own show. Legit. This says it all.

And the best ever quote from the "Countess" "Money can't buy you class." Money can't buy class, but it can buy you lots of booze, which is even better than class. 

• Any MTV Challenge show ever made. Ever. I am even watching the current season- Free Agents. Oh, you didn't' know there was a current season? MTV will exploit these 40 year olds until they die. 

You get to see attractive men... Well, mostly attractive men do stupid stuff. I love it. 

You also get to see shit like this. My fave part is dude on the right mocking her and dude on the left laughing. Either way, once you're past 21 you shouldn't participate in anything remotely looking like this.  

What are some of your fave shows? I love to add new shows to my DVR roster! 

Yup, I'm Still Here

Just thought I'd pop back in to reassure that I haven't died. I am still alive and kicking, but we have been having a fun time the past week so I was taking the time to enjoy it. Since I am now on summer break and my Mister is still on disability, we are spending all day, err day together. 

I spent last week preparing the major part of my boo thangs wedding present. I had scheduled with people to create and complete parts of it last week, thinking that he wouldn't be around. Since he was around, I just told him to not ask questions. LOL! He actuarially did really well with that. Me? I woulda crawled in the trunk of the car to know where he was going if I was told not to ask questions. 

What else have we done? Well, I have tried to take pictures, so that G can always look back on this time with fondness. He is more mobile now, so he can leave the house, but only for really, really short periods of time. 

We went into Old Overland Park, which is a really cute, historic block near where we live and Gabriel got his hair cut by Wayne, the barber. Wayne completed his barber apprenticeship in 1953 and has earner two Purple Hearts, which are displayed on the wall! He

Then, we went to the park behind our house (where we took our photos in October) and sat around for a little bit. 

Gabriel LOVED being outside in the sun and hanging out on the dock. 

He was feeling so good he even let me talk I'm into margs for lunch. He sorta had wobbly boots after leaving from the marg, since it was his first time drinking since getting hurt. But, Mi Ranchito margs are worth it!

 The next day, we treat ourselves to Sheridan's! YUM! My fave is the Caramel Pretzel Crunch mini size. It is the perfect bite size bit of greatness in your mouth. Like, I would roll around in it greatness.

Caramel Pretzel Crunch aka Sex in a Cup 

Today, we went to the community center that is a few blocks from our house for the first time. We signed up for a 3 month membership, so that my man can use the hand bike and all the machines we don't have in our house. I attempted to run again, but all I can think is F this. Not my thing. At all. I will stick with walking outside, riding a bike, and using the elliptical if I want a machine. I liked having the option of the machines, but honestly? I prefer my kettlebells and blogilates videos. Maybe I'm just not a people person. 

Oh, and I had to take a post workout selfie. Duh. And to make it even more douchehole, I added my nutribullet smoothie #douchelord 

What have you been up to?